I AM SO FUCKED Up
2002-08-19, 11:24 p.m.

I want to believe that she really "loves me" but I know that this means that she believes that something will never work in the future....I do that is the thing.....I think it was the best thing EVER to happen to me.....I am feeling so down.....I just have started to actually realize what has happened....I just can't stop thinking bout her.....I havnt ever felt this way....It is eating me away....I can't concentrate in class, at practice at home, When I am eating, when I am dreaming

Am I a psycho or somthin'? Is it normal to feel this bad? It can't be. How God has fit this experience into my life is wierd. I pray for a girlfriend for months and months and then he finally decided he would grace me with the presence of an angel. I felt so relieved and loved by God. I felt that our relationship was made by God and had to be perfect. I don't understand. Will I ever? Or will this all eat me away untill I am nothin...Untill I am more of a complete wreck than I am right now. Untill I won't be able to stand life anymore? No, I can't let it. But what can I do. I fell so lonely. I feel jealous, angry, sad, hurt, degraded, poor....I can't even to begin to explain it. I can't stop thinking about it.....every hour......every minute

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