I = so fucking stupid
2003-04-06, 11:23 p.m.

what the fucking fuck. I hate myself. Shawna hates me now. I dont think that is possible for me to live with. I feel like the worst most stupid person alive right now. I got this feeling that makes me dizzy and everything is blurry. I would like to say that my heart hurts but there is nothing of it left. WHY AM I SO STUPID. Why cant I get no girl......NOBODY......I even try to make friends .....FRIENDS....with someone and that gets thrown right back in my damn face. I attempted to make a new friend that I could get close too. I havent been able to get close to ANYONE lately. Then it seems like I might have a friend I could talk to and no. Shawna thinks that I dont care for her. I love her more than myself. I would do anything for her. She makes me feel like a million dollars and like a piece of shit all at the same time. Take jealosy and multiply that feeling times a billion trillion and that is how I feel about her. WHY CANT I HAVE HER. What is life with out a girlfriend. NOthing. I have no life without someone to share it with. Why do the worst possible things happen to me! Why! Why the fuck do they happen to me! Why do I have to feel like complete crap all the time and when I start feeling better I screw everything up. I am so stupid. God I want to punch myself in the face. Why cant someone come up and end my misserable life? I hate feeling this way man..........I wouldnt wish this feeling I have on my worst enemy. Screw this crap man......there is nothing I can do to change it either. I will feel miserable for the rest of my damn life.

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